This CoronaVirus quarantine has got me feeling a mess. Nothing seems normal. Writing about self love seems so insignificant compared to what’s going on in the world today. I just read a Facebook post that a client/friend of mine’s dad just passed away and I sit here staring at my computer with little to no motivation to help spread hope. People are dying all over the world, the virus keeps spreading, there is shortage of toilet paper and that alone, now has me anxious, when a month ago, I laughed at it and wondered why the heck people were going crazy stalking up on it. Now it’s a fucking gold mine when you come across any.
There has been a stay-at-home order that has been put into place across the nation. That doesn’t bother me at all. I’m used to staying home. I am self employed, so 80% of the time is spent at home on my couch editing photos and doing all the behind the scenes to run my business. So that is nothing new to me. But what bothers me is that I can’t see my friends or family. That’s a completely new feeling. It’s an overwhelming feeling. The fact that I can’t hug people is also weird to me. My love language is physical touch so you can only imagine how this is effecting me internally. I stay my distance even in my own home. Just to be safe. I am an empath, so I FEEL the energy around me. It has me anxious and full of fear, even though I am normally one that goes with the flow of things. And normally doesn’t stress out too much. It’s hard not to, in a time like this. The unknown is scary.
But most importantly I know that this is the time to fight fear. To learn yourself. To love yourself even in the most uncomfortable of situations. This is the time to take risks. I know many of us have no jobs due to our nation being shut down. And that is a terrifying feeling. Now is the time to find your true purpose. To find out what your passion is. To dig deep down inside and ask yourself what truly makes you happy.
I'm living proof to say... you can do whatever your heart desires. Ten years ago I was laid off a job I worked my ass off for, for 10 years!! TEN YEARS! Living someone else's dream. Living, eating and breathing that company. Loyal as can be. Managing a department that was awarded time and time again for "Best Department of the Month", Rockstars of the Month, etc... Never taking vacation, never calling in sick. Yet, I was still let go. Welcome to Corporate America. Where you can easily be replaced (and they won't ever let you forget that).
I felt defeated. Lost. Uncertain. Broken. Depressed. Confused. Pissed off. Hatred. Enter every single cuss word here you can imagine. I lost my house, cashed out my 401k and stock, paid off my 2 cars, all of my debt and walked into a new life with not a single penny to my name. Everything I worked so hard for - gone- in the blink of an eye. I could have let it break me. But I chose not to. I turned down other job offers that came my way. Once people found out I was laid off they tried to hire me on, for the same income. Same position. Yet I turned them down. I wanted to prove to myself that I could take my photography business to the next level. And I knew with a full time corporate job, there would be no possible way for me to do so. So I said.. F IT!!! Im gonna do ME! And I did.
Ten years later and I am still surviving. I am living MY dream. I make my own schedule. I take vacations. I give myself days off. I call in sick when I need to. I go to the movies in the middle of the day with my loved ones, because I can. I travel the world shooting what I love and I am more rich now than I ever have been in my entire life. Rich with new friends, new adventures and new outlooks in life.
It’s not easy running a small business. Don’t get me wrong. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done. But it is so very rewarding!!!
There is nowhere in the world I should be, other than right here. right now. And all I did was take a risk on me and I LET GO. This image reminds me of that feeling. Letting go of all my insecurities, whatever they may be. Let go of my fears because I have MANY. Just releasing myself and surrendering. Getting everything off of my shoulders that has been weighing me down for so long. Facing my fears. and not letting them get the best of me. Taking risks. Ohhhhh taking risks. Failing, yet getting back up and trying again. Time and time and time again. So if you have something you are holding on to, that you feel is holding you back from doing what you love... LET IT GO. And move into a brighter future. Comment here or privately. I'd love to hear from you.
Stay Kind,
D
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Photo taken by: Denise Birdsong of Modern Love Photography